Wednesday, October 27, 2010

And I shall love him and pet him and call him George

So, my roommate and I adopted a kitten. Which pretty much means that I'm required to frequently mention to anyone that I have now adopted an adorable kitten. And since dumbshitmycatdid.blospot was already taken, I thought I'd take a break from the regular programing to force anyone reading to listen to me talk about Neko... So, what's it like to have added a small mammal to the apartment? Why, I'm glad you asked!

Acquiring the cat
The most important part of getting a cat is realizing that your girlfriend is serious when she says she will move out if you don't get a cat this weekend, and by god does she mean it. The second most important part is taking a careful survey of yourself and realizing that you are the sort of responsible adult who can take care of a creature that cannot open doors, food bags, or discover how to exit the bottom of your couch. Once you've decided to get a cat, you can choose between an older cat or a kitten. Each have their advantages and disadvantages. Kittens are adorable and energetic. Adult cats have a more settled personality and are less rambunctious. Unfortunately, their settled personality is often scared shitless because they have been abandoned to a crowded animal shelter. Annie and I opted for a kitten.

Buying things for the cat
A cat requires a box to crap in, sand to fill it, and food to provide the eventual crap for that box. And apparently a scratching post, because even a two pound kitten is capable of converting your already low quality couch into a pile of yarn within three days. I assume cats also would like a bed, though I have not yet observed my cat to sleep so much as to take short breaks from racing back and forth.

Naming the cat

Try to start by suggesting clearly unacceptable names for the cat, like Rasputin, Megatron, or naming it after your ex-girlfriends until "Professor Meowmers" sounds like a perfectly reasonable name. My cat's name is Neko, because I did not follow my own advice.

Making your home safe for a cat
Many common household items are toxic to cats and should be removed or put away before you bring your cat home. These items include:
-most plants
-and chocolate

Playing with your cat
You might be surprised how many things in your house a cat is willing to play with. Especially at three in the morning, when decent animals are resting so that they can get up for their JOBS and use their money to buy free-range cat food for their lazy pets, who apparently spent the entire day sleeping so that they would have the energy needed to stay up all night swatting spoons around the sink. Also, cats sometimes don't realize that not everything moving is asking to be pounced on. Especially fingers while writing about the cat. I mean, cats are adorable when they chase string. Really adorable.

Well, that's all for this week. Join me next week when I discuss how to profit from pet ownership, both emotionally and fiscally. That's right, underground cat fighting league, watch out for 3.4 lbs of teeth and claws from Seattle, Washington.

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