Thursday, September 15, 2011

Sharing is caring; caring is the first step to oppressive socialism

You know when you're watching a movie with someone and enjoying a delicious bucket of popcorn, and you both reach for a handful together and your hands meet together in the tub for a tender and buttery embrace? Me neither. Any time you are sharing food, you should be engaged in a zero-sum game of resource and heartburn maximization. If someone else manages to get their hand into the bucket, they'd best emerge with it a bloody stump as you triumphantly scream for more butter.  To do less would be to admit that you cannot marshal and defend resources and would make a poor mate.

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